Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
