And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize