So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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