The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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