I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is the high leading the old right now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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