It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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