meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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