No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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