I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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