I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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