Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
