It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
