I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
