this beer tastes like vomit already
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
