i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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