You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
