going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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