is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize