I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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