Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
