I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
