smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Boobs speak an international language.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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