Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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