i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
