Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
