We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize