There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
