I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think my moral compass just broke
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