he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
