Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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