think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
