you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
