Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
