I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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