i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
