Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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