The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
