it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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