More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
