youre lurking in front of me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
