Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
