2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
