So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
