You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
