If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
