We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
