Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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