So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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