She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
is it fun? or sober?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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