I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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