Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently you make a good broom.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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