his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
