my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
