I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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