we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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