I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
