I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
