This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
