I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
no, he came in my armpit
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
