toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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