Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize