youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
