Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As shirtless as possible
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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