there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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