I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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