Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I AM VODKA MAN
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
